i will give you dreams in the desert

i will give you dreams in the desert
to guide you safely to that place you have not yet seen.

i will give you dreams in the desert

i haven't been remembering any of my dreams as of late, so i'm going to go in a bit of a different direction with this first part. dreams in the desert. when i think of desert i think of a lonely wasteland and when i think of dreams i think of either those things that come when you sleep or hopes and aspirations. so, i will give you dreams in the desert. hope in those lonely, faraway places.

slovakia is far from being a wasteland, but i would be lying if i said it was never lonely. the loneliest time for me so far has been right after a visit. right after i got back from hungary and time with stef (and with my fellow central european yagms), i was lonely. i missed her.

in the same way, saying good-bye to my mom at the train station in košice was hard. it was, perhaps, especially hard because i wasn't seeing her off at the airport - things were a little bit less secure. in those lonely times, i got the dreams i needed in the form of memories. going through the pictures that we took while we were together let me remember the good times and good moments that we shared and gave me strength to move from missing them to continuing here in slovakia.

other dreams have come in the form of encouragement, love, and listening ears when i have called in tears because of some insignificant (and, at times, not-so-insignificant) thing that happened. i have been given dreams as people remind me why i'm here, affirm god's call in my life, and continue to make me feel connected.

to guide you safely to that place you have not yet seen.

when i first began my yagm journey, i knew i was going to that place i had not yet seen; i had never been to continental europe, after all! i knew that god was leading me and that if i could truly follow my heart, follow god's spirit, then i would get there safely. as i now look towards heading home (nine months fully tucked away and barely more than two left at my placement), i have a whole new perspective.

there's an interesting poem about two gretels (hansel is in there briefly) that someone passed along to me (with reflections about returning home from global service, which can also be found here, for those of you interested - which should be everyone reading). in it, the two gretels have forgotten the breadcrumbs and when the suggestion comes to turn back, there is no way without the crumbs. that is a bit how i have felt. even if i were to try to turn back, there would be no way. i left no breadcrumbs, and even if i had, the birds would have eaten them long before now.

but the good news is i don't want to turn back. i want to keep going. geographically, yes, i will be "going back" or "going home," but that is not all. i will also be "going away" and "leaving home." home for me, for a long time, has been where my heart is. right now, my heart is in many different places, on at least a few different continents.

when i return to the united states, after all of the experiences i have had this year, i don't expect to be the same. i don't expect others to be the same as they were when i left. i don't expect anything to be the same (except that a cloudless sky will hopefully still be blue), which means that it won't be easy to return. but one thing i know, god will guide me safely to that place i have not yet seen. the holy spirit, full of hope and comfort, is with me now and will continue to lead me, guide me, and hold me tight in her arms.

i will give you dreams in the desert
to guide you safely to that place you have not yet seen