i am sending you into the wilderness

i am sending you into the wilderness to make a new way
and to learn my ways more deeply.

i am sending you into the wilderness to make a new way

in many ways at the start of my year, slovakia was very much a wilderness. i, along with lisa and sepp, the other two slovak yagms, was thrust into a country where i didn't know the language and didn't know the people. the funny thing about the wilderness is that lots of people think of the desert, but wilderness doesn't have to mean desert. for me, it was more an intimidating and unknown place. the more time i spent here in this wilderness, however, the more i came to see it not as a scary wilderness, but as a loving part of god's creation. don't get me wrong, i knew it was part of god's creation (at least theoretically) before i came, but it was still unkown.

now, slovakia, especially eastern slovakia, and especially especially the area covered by the evangelical church of the augsburg confession (ecav) rankovce, is no longer a scary wilderness. together with the people i have met, a new way has been made. we came together, from very different cultures, with very different ideas, and we managed to find a new way together. when we came together, there was no way for us to continue on our paths as before. once we interacted, we had to search for new ways of being. we opened each other's eyes and horizons. we helped envision new posibilities for life and for love.

it was never about teaching math or reading. it wasn't even about teaching religion class or sunday school. it was about coming to know each other. changing and being changed. witnessing the holy spirit at work in our lives throughout the world. allowing the holy spirit to work through us. which brings me to the second half.

and to learn my ways more deeply.

i learned what god's ways more deeply and more widely. i learned new ways of being with and interacting with god. i learned knew ways to let god love others through me.

i learned the value and importance of prayer. i was humbled when i was asked how someone could pray for me. i felt the power and support of the spirit when i told them how i hate good-byes; how i don't know how i'm going to leave this place. it was a simple question, but in that question and its answer, i learned god's ways of getting into us and knowing us way more deeply.

i learned how to not be busy. i grew up in a go-go-go world. college (though i loved most of my time at luther) only added to that mentality. if i was busy enough and did enough, then i would make it. i wouldn't have to rely on anyone else. i could still love god without relying quite so fully on god. here i learned to be. i learned that coffee and keksy is important. i learned that there is exactly enough time for the important things in life (storypeople).

i learned that saying i'm stressed and busy might just be code for saying how important i want to be/think i am. sitting on the swing holding a ten year old's hand is busy enough for me. trying to explain a math problem to a 12 year-old fourth grader is stress enough (though no stress at all). on the train this past weekend, lisa and i talked about this precise theme. i came away from that conversation with a desire and determination to not rely on myself being busy and my need to feel important, but instead, i have to know that i am important because god created me, but that so is every other human being and creature on earth.

i learned that god is all around. the holy spirit works in ways i will never be able to understand. whether i help with homework, put away clean dishes, give a hug or an "ahoj" to a neighbor or a child. those seem to be simple things, but they plant the seeds. all we are called to do is plant the seeds, then wait and wonder at the miracle that god works in each seed as it comes to fruition. most deeply i have felt god at work in conversations (in english and in slovak) that have taken place by chance (in a train station in poprad) and on purpose (sitting at the kitchen table asking questions). god's ways are deep and wide, just like god's love. all i can do is hope to get a bit of it, and that will be enough...for now.

i am sending you into the wilderness to make a new way
and to learn my ways more deeply.