some of you will not change at all

some of you will not change at all.
some will be abandoned by your dearest loves
and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth
who feel abandoned by you.

some of you will not change at all.

in many ways i read this sentence and think, "there's no way this is true," and yet in other ways i find a lot of truth in the statement. there are tangible ways that i have changed and can tell that i am different, but there are also many ways that i am clearly the same (besides my burping, my laugh, my love of chacos, and my love of hugs). i am still planning to attend seminary in chicago in the fall. i still feel god calling me to be a pastor. i still care deeply about relationships that i have. i still don't handle conflict very well and i still want to know the real answer (or at least an explanations for the answer) to the question "how are you?" in many ways i am unrecognizable, yet in so many important ways, i have not changed or passions, feelings, calls have just strengthened.

some will be abandoned by your dearest loves

this past week i received an email from one of my close friends from college. in the email she mentioned that she just caught up on my blog and apologized for not keeping in touch. though my contact with many people has dropped significantly, and though i may occassionally feel abandoned, it is a wonder and a gift when these people drop back into my life. the email i received brightened my day. it helped me to look forward to being back and being able to catch up with people. so, yes. i have felt abandoned, but many of those people have come back into my life and i have kept in contact with enough people close to me, that my wall is not a blank, white wall, but also has cards, letters, and pictures from people i care about on it.

and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth
who feel abandoned by you.

there have been many a misunderstanding since being here, most often with family. a lot of the time the confusion involves me speaking slovak and them not understanding it (can't imagine why that would be ;-) ), but even in direct communication, i communicate differently than i used to. i have found new ways of being here in slovakia, and in those new ways of being, my language and communication have also changed. this is something that will change once again when i return.

though i am returning, i am not returning the same (as much as some things will probably be exactly the same), and i am not returning to the same place. when i return, i will be in colorado for a bit, but then i will head to chicago. i am starting to make a new home for myself and that home is no longer where or what it once was. though this can feel like abandonment, it is a necessary next step in my life, and i'm actually really excited for it :)

some of you will not change at all.
some will be abandoned by your dearest loves
and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth
who feel abandoned by you.